Sadness in his Eyes
by Caledonia1986
Summary: Kagome's thoughts after Inuyasha killed the bandits. Crappy summary, I know, but its the middle of the night in Germany Rating because I'm slighty paranoid! And now, Enjoy!


**A/N**: This was sleeping on my computer, I had quite forgotten that I wrote it. It was inspired from a scene (I can't remember the episode) when Inuyasha killed the bandits and that mothdemon. I'd be glad if someone could tell me what episode that was, so I could change this to its proper form^^ Anyway, it was a simply plotbunny, that wouldn't let me find peace, so I wrote it down and here it is. I don't know if its any good, you be the judge of that.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters from the manga or the anime. I'm simply borrowing to my delight and I do not make any money from this.

**Warnings:** Slight descriptions of blood and gore, but its really not that bad^^

**Summary:** Kagome's thoughts after Inuyasha killed the bandits. Crappy summary, I know, but its the middle of the night in Germany^^

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**Sadness in his eyes**

He was standing there, leaning heavily on his Tetsusaiga, the sword that had chosen him as a keeper and the sword he had lost during the fight against the demon. Now he stood there and looked at the numerous dead humans littering the ground in front of them. He was silent, simply stood there, one hand clenched almost painfully around the hilt of his sword.

Miroku and Sango stood slightly behind, both wary of the hanyou's fey mood. And Kagome couldn't wrench her gaze away from his shoulders, slumped in something she could only describe as defeat. He knew that his will had lost against his demon blood, that it had taken over his body and had mercilessly slaughtered the people strewn on the ground. And he hadn't been able to stop it. That was why his shoulders slumped that way, why his gaze was hidden by his ivory bangs as he bowed his head. His whole posture fairly radiated shame and Kagome couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, if only to show him that he was not as evil as he thought and that it wasn't his fault this had happened.

After all, he had been keeping the demon blood in check until that overgrown moth had turned its attention towards her. Miroku had told her that he had been angry, but only the possibility of her being in danger while he was forced to watch had driven him over the edge. It wasn't his impending doom he had been concerned with, it had been hers.

If only he could see that.

Slowly Kagome stepped forward to stand next to him, hesitatingly laying a hand on his arm, while he gazed at his claws, covered with dried human blood. A bitter smile tweaked his lips as he stared at them.

"Look at me. My claws reek with the scent of human blood." He said quietly, almost calmly, and suddenly his eyes glazed over. He seemed so sad, so very dejected that it nearly made her throat close up.

The boy wanted to run to him, but the moment he was stopped by one of the women Inuyasha had killed for to protect, she felt his whole form tense. Not out of anger, it was something Kagome had never felt from him before and she couldn't place it. And as she watched the women holding that trusting little boy back, she snuck a glance back towards the hanyou standing next to her.

His eyes were now filled with a deep sadness that she had never seen before, not on him, or anyone else for that matter. Not even when he had talked about his mother or about the fact that he belonged nowhere had she seen that look. He looked at the small group of women shaking in fear when they stole a glance at him and his form crumpled a bit more. Almost imperceptibly, but enough to be felt by Kagome. Her heart clenched painfully at his dejected expression and she realized this must have happened before. It was not only the fact that they hated him and feared him now, he had taken lives of humans and their looks reminded him of something that had happened before Kagome had crossed his path.

After some time, which she spent in watching Inuyasha and gauging his actions, she softly pulled at his sleeve to steer him away from the gruesome sight in front of them all. His unseeing eyes didn't even seem to recognize her as he walked along beside her, leaning a good deal of weight on his sword. If he was in pain, he didn't show it, but Kagome rather believed he didn't even feel it right now.

They were all silent as they made their way into the woods, away from the humans and those conflicting feelings they provoked in her favourite hanyou. Miroku and Sango left with Kirara to some stream, offering to gather water to make camp. Shippo slunk quietly after them, occasionally sneaking glances toward the still silent half-demon, standing at the edge of the campsite, looking at nothing at all. Seemingly the little kitsune realized that this was absolutely no place to make some jokes or play tricks.

Just as Kagome fished some food out of her bag and reached for the First Aid Kit, she happened to glance up to see that Inuyasha was slowly walking in the direction of the river himself, but not towards the place Miroku and Sango had chosen. Sighing deeply she marked the direction in her head and set the Kit down. It seemed Inuyasha needed to be alone with his thoughts a little bit, even though that prospect didn't sit well with her either. It was startling and, to be quite honest, a little discomforting to see him like that.

While the girl set up a little fire and prepared her cooking utensils she allowed herself to think back until earlier that day. The way his unseeing demon eyes had clouded with pure rage as he had hunted down those bandits, how he had even smirked as they pleaded for their lives. The way his voice had changed to a dangerous hiss, almost a whisper, but not quite; his fangs bared and snarling. How he had attacked and attacked, his demon side not permitting his body to feel pain or weakness, as he had charged his brother over and over again, while droplets of his blood splattered the ground.

Kagome felt her hands shake as she thought back to that terrible moment when he had been struck down, his form crashing into the dirt and his blazing eyes grew dull and dead for a moment. A sob escaped her as she compared the murderous look of that beast with the saddened glance of the Inuyasha she knew so well. The look he had given when he had gazed at the dead bodies lying on bloodied earth. The revulsion he had shown as he had realized just what had happened. And that terribly beaten expression as the women had held the boy away from their group.

He had seemed not only sad in that moment. He had looked defeated.

And the look alone nearly crushed her heart. How much worse had it been on him then?

Quickly brushing a stray tear off her cheek, she grabbed a towel out of her bag and headed towards the point where she had seen his figure disappearing before. Just as she left, she heard Miroku and Sango returning, Shippo talking to Kirara.

_Good, at least they didn't leave…_

As she drew closer to the river, Kagome could hear muffled growls and splashing water. Sighing she understood what had caused him to leave towards the river. His hands and his robe must have been smelling of the blood he had shed and he wanted to wash it off. But even the understanding of that didn't help anything as she cleared the woods to have a look at him.

Still his eyes gazed into nothingness as he furiously scrubbed away at his hands and his robe, snarls and growls mixed with the sounds of his movements and the water that swirled around him.

_Perhaps I should have brought some soap…_

But even if she had wanted to return to camp now and get it, Kagome doubted she could have done so, now that she saw him. Determination edged into his features, but beneath that there was desperation. And hidden even deeper, almost imperceptible, was fear.

He scrubbed away at his hands, standing waist deep in the middle of the river, as if the action could also erase what had happened that day. Suddenly he stopped and lifted his hands up to look at them. His whole body shuddered again and he slashed at the water once more; a scowl plastered across his brows.

_Good, anger I can deal with…_

Slowly Kagome walked closer to the half-demon, still standing in the middle of the stream, not really looking at her. And then, as suddenly as ever, his movements ceased and with an angered huff and a growl he stalked to the riverbank, only to throw himself in an agitated heap onto a rock flanking the river. She perceived again that his eyes seemed to gaze far ahead, not really looking at anything, though she knew he had already sensed her presence behind him. But as she was quite used to his temper already, Kagome walked forward again and sat down next to him. For a moment he seemed to ignore her completely, but then he stole a timid glance towards her, to see where exactly she sat. Wordlessly she held the towel out to him, knowing that conversation was not wanted at this point. His dark scowl alone spoke volumes, he hid behind it, as usual. Anger was easier for him to deal with than that glimmer of guilt she had spotted earlier.

Kagome decided that staying with him was important now, if she left now to talk to him later, he would only think that she was either afraid of him or disgusted with him. And neither were anything she ever felt when she was near Inuyasha.

"You don't have to force yourself to be near me." He stated in a dull voice, never once looking at her, while she stared at him in shocked silence for a moment.

Did he really think that she had to force herself?

Would he really think that she was scared of him?

"I'm not." She answered quietly and edged a bit closer. With Inuyasha, everything was about body language, which is why it was hard to lie to him. Usually either the body gave one away or he could sense the change in her scent. Which is why she never lied to him, he'd be able to sniff it out anyway, quite literally.

When he didn't answer, but simply gazed away from her, out over the serene beauty of the setting sun, she could see that sadness and guilt return in his eyes. That look of utter shame with himself. It was something she had never seen on Inuyasha before, and also something which tore at her very core somehow. She wished she could ease his troubles a bit.

Doubtless he was trying to remember what had happened and also trying not to think of the fact that he could easily have attacked her. Perhaps that was that little gleam of fear she had seen earlier, but one could never be sure with that man.

Wanting to ease his troubled mind and to show him she wanted to be around him, she shifted position to lean against his shoulder from behind him. For a moment he tensed, but then his body relaxed.

"I'm not afraid of you, Inuyasha. It wasn't your fault, You tried to protect the villagers. I could never be afraid of you." Kagome said quietly, knowing he could hear her, as she was so close to his ears.

Slowly his hand reached up to grasp hers, while his shoulders relaxed as he gave into the silent comfort she provided.

Long they sat like that, neither moving, one giving comfort, while the other gratefully received it. Kagome silently shut her eyes and breathed his scent in, while she listened to the steady beating of his heart. She could even feel it through the robe he was clothed in, feeling her own heartbeat slowing to match his.

"Thank you Kagome." Was all he said, a hushed whisper, only audible for the two of them, and meant for her alone.

"Anytime, Inuyasha." She answered, but didn't move from her spot, halfway leaning over his shoulder, her face nuzzled in his silvery hair.

And if she had looked, she would have seen the small grateful smile that bloomed on her companions lips as he realized too, that she would never fear him.

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Reviews are deeply appreciated, and I even enabled anonymous reviews, so no-one needs to be shy. Tell me what you think of it and win a cyber-hug! Oh, and any spelling errors found may be kept, though I did my best to find them all. But if you spot one, tell me and I'll change it, since English is only my second language^^

Regards, Callie!


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